༺ bucket ༻

a centre had an open day
they hired us for a show
thirty odd teenage boys
all with Down’s Syndrome
they were tremendous
and we got off
to a flying start

suddenly

in walked Miss Wales
in full regalia
sash and tiara
and unspeakably
heart-stoppingly
gorgeous

the guys were already lairy
but in her presence
they lost their minds

we invited her
to volunteer
we would knock a cigarette
out of her mouth
with flying juggling clubs
it’s a very old trick
all the jokes and patter
well rehearsed
with clubs whistling past
front and rear
she had to stand

still

we asked her
to keep her hands
by her sides
and told her
“if you’re going to laugh
do it sideways”
in a brainwave
I asked her
to clench
her buttocks

she was a great sport
and so she did
just to prove it
she turned around
and showed the guys
“one, two, clench!”

it was like a cartoon
the way they went
completely
and utterly

bananas