Disputes
MN 103 Kinti: Dealing with Disputes
If someone commits some kind of offence or transgression you should not hurry to reprove them, but one should examine thus:
“I shall not be troubled and the other person will not be hurt; for the other person is not given to anger and revenge, he is not firmly attached to his view and relinquishes easily, I can make that person emerge from the unwholesome and establish him in the wholesome.” If this is true then it is proper to speak to them.
The same is true if you are troubled and they will be hurt except if you can’t convince them in which case ‘one should not underate equanimity towards such a person’.
If there is annoyance you say ‘would you censure that?’ and ‘can you realise nibbana without abandoning that annoyance?’
If people say ‘did you make them emerge from the unwholesome you should say “The Buddha taught me the Dhamma, having heard it I spoke to them, they heard the Dhamma.” One does not exalt oneself nor disparage others.